Translation from Spanish
I’m Noelia, and today I want to share my personal experience about how, since I found God and began to believe in Jesus, He has been healing every part of me. In this particular video, I want to tell you how my relationship with being a woman changed.
Before, when I didn’t have God, I honestly hated being a woman. I thought it was unfair, and I felt like being born a woman in this world was a punishment. Even if it sounds harsh, that’s truly how I felt. I would think, “Why wasn’t I born a man? Why did it have to be me?” because I believed that men’s lives were easier, that their role was much simpler than ours.
I felt worthless, as if I was less than men, and I almost hated them. Clearly, this brought me a lot of problems. The truth is, I was suffering inside, even though on the outside I tried to appear otherwise, because that kind of hatred only makes you suffer and feel cut off from everything.
I wanted to take charge of everything and wouldn’t let anyone—not my dad, not my partners—tell me what to do. I always had to be the one in control, trying to prove my equality, or even my superiority.
Deep down, I was always on the defensive. I wouldn’t accept even a piece of advice, even if it was given with the best intentions. Even a suggestion from a man would bother me. I felt attacked because I thought I could do everything on my own. It was like, “Don’t tell me what I have to do just because you’re a man. Do you think you’re better than me? Do you think I can’t do it on my own and that I’m going to depend on you?”
I was very proud and always needed to prove that I was better than men. That’s why I was so independent. There’s nothing wrong with a woman doing things on her own in life, but in my case it was excessive. Many times I felt like I wanted to live alone even while in a relationship, because I felt like men were taking away my personal space or wanted to attack me somehow. It wasn’t a normal attitude.
Now I realize that, trying to find the worth I felt I didn’t have, I neglected my partner and my family for many years. I worked so many hours outside the home, because when you have an emotional void, you unconsciously try to fill it with any activity. Usually, it’s work—a job where you find recognition and feel valued. All the things you lack, you try to fill with that activity.
So, when my children were little, I would leave them with a trusted babysitter or with my mom, and I didn’t realize I was missing out on that precious time. I’ve already repented of that, and the good thing about following Jesus is that He forgives you when you acknowledge your mistakes, but there are things that don’t come back.
That’s why I want to share this testimony. If you’re going through something similar, or if you feel the way I once did, I believe it could help you.
I also used to think that women who stayed at home, who cleaned, cooked, ironed, and took care of everything at home, were foolish. In reality, I was the one who didn’t value women. It wasn’t that others didn’t value me—it was my own perception of women. I took care of my house, but I was always trying to find someone else to do it for me.
I just wanted to get out of the house, earn money, succeed professionally, and get the recognition I felt I didn’t have. It was completely unbalanced. There’s nothing wrong with a woman working, but she can’t neglect her home and family, which are the most important things.
But I didn’t realize what I was doing. I thought the time I spent at home was enough and that I was doing everything right. I thought of myself as some kind of heroine, which was really nonsense. I was always on the defensive, afraid that someone would tell me I was less than I really was.
But when I came to know God, and especially after receiving the baptism of the Holy Spirit, the Spirit began to show me, step by step, everything in my life that was wrong or out of place and needed to change. The first thing He did was show me how arrogant and proud I was. It was as if God put a mirror in front of me and said, “Look, Noelia, this is you. This is how you’re acting now, and this is not what I created for you. I didn’t create you this way.”
I saw myself in that mirror as the complete opposite of a woman of God, and that was a shock for me. It was the first thing that changed in my life after I was converted. I felt deeply ashamed, not just because of my surroundings—because it was like seeing myself for the first time as I really was—but also because Jesus would see me act this way, because God would see how I was discrediting His work: completely rebellious and bossy in my home.
I wouldn’t let my husband make decisions in peace. I was always criticizing everything and trying to control everything, making decisions that weren’t mine to make, always wanting more control in every area. But God opened my eyes and showed me I was acting completely contrary to the nature of the woman He designed.
He asked me to be more humble and to take my proper place, to fulfill the role I had and wasn’t fulfilling, and to do it with humility, with modesty, and with contentment. That was when I realized how foolish it was to want to be something I wasn’t. It was a hard blow for me. It was like starting over, and I felt ridiculous and out of place.
I realized I wasn’t created for what I was doing. Not only was I causing pain and emptiness in my family, but I wasn’t glorifying God either. In terms of my role, I wasn’t acting like a true woman, but as a man in a woman’s body.
I realized that by refusing to fulfill the role God gave me, I was a puppet of the devil. In fact, this is the work of the spirit of Jezebel and other unclean spirits, who always try to distort the work of God, to destroy His creation, to disrupt it, to make us do exactly the opposite of what God wants us to do, and to make His creatures not want to be what we are.
The devil wants us to rebel just as he did, and only when you find God do you realize that these unclean spirits influence your life, even in the area of seduction.
I was very seductive. I was always dressing quite flamboyantly, with animal prints, made up like a painted door, always looking for provocative clothes. I did whatever was necessary to manipulate others. I didn’t do it on purpose, and I didn’t realize I was letting myself be manipulated by evil.
At that point, I had to learn how to be a woman. New questions started coming up, like: “Why did I come into this world as a woman? How did God create woman? What are our roles? How do I fulfill those roles?”
The good thing is that God never leaves you alone. The guidance of the Holy Spirit marks out the path for you. Prayer and reading the Bible every day give you answers. You feel supported, upheld, and you have His companionship. He never lets go of your hand, not for a moment.
When you set your heart on God, He takes care of the rest. It’s not that you have to be thinking, “Well, what comes next?” He shows you everything in His immense mercy.
I’ve learned and understood that women are not less important than men, but we are different. We have different emotions, a different body, and a different role on earth, but in the eyes of God we are equal in dignity and importance. However, many of us don’t know how to value what it means to be a woman.
I didn’t know how to value modesty, humility, or simplicity either. I couldn’t see beauty in what was simple, or in quiet, home-loving women who didn’t seek attention. It was as if I couldn’t understand, accept, or appreciate that feminine side.
God was clearly showing me that something wasn’t right and that I had to do something about it, because the final decision, free will, belongs to us. So I told myself I wanted to become the kind of woman who would please my Lord, the woman He was calling me to be. And I asked Him to teach me, because I didn’t know how.
It felt like starting over, as if a new person was being born inside me. It was a painful process that takes time, because it really is an inner battle. But holding His hand, everything can be accomplished, healed, and restored.
I felt as if I had two voices. On one side, pride would say to me, “But why should you change if you’re fine as you are? Why should you accept advice if you already know everything? If you stop running the house or making all the decisions, what will happen? Everything will fall apart.” These were the thoughts of a manipulative woman who wants to control everything, who needs to be above everyone else, and who lacks humility. That was my case.
But on the other hand, I heard the voice of God, who said to me, “Be still, don’t be afraid. I will heal you. Give Me your hand and let us go together.” I held on to Jesus’ hand and started thinking about Him and reading about everything He did in the New Testament.
That was my main weapon, because I saw the overwhelming humility that Jesus showed when He came to earth and humbled Himself so completely. I looked to Him, our example, and thought, “If He, being God, did it and didn’t complain about what the Father gave Him to do on earth, how could I not do it, being a woman? Ridiculous.”
That’s how I began to change. Many things started to be transformed in me. It wasn’t forced, but it was a choice, because to grow is always a choice.
God can touch you, He can call you and show you something, but the final decision is always yours. From there, you have to do your part. It’s not a matter of waiting for God to change us and that’s it. We have to make the effort ourselves.
So everything began to change, thanks to God, and I started to take better care of my home. I began to enjoy being at home more, and now I practically want to be at home more than anywhere else. I’m happy because I enjoy doing things around the house. There’s nothing wrong with going out and working as a woman, but what I was doing was unbalanced.
I learned to cook better and I try to do things myself, like cleaning and ironing. Now I’m more protective of my home. I don’t really want someone else to come and help me with the chores, at least not right now, because I feel I need to go through this myself, that I have to do it, that it’s my responsibility.
I’m not saying it’s wrong to have someone help us, because it depends on the situation each woman is going through, but in my case, now I enjoy all the things I wasn’t able to enjoy before.
I also realized how important it is for children to come home and feel that special smell that’s only there when the mother is present—the smell of lunch waiting for them, or the snack you made for them in the afternoon, and sitting down with them. They feel that you put your hands and your time into waiting for them, with the house tidy and clean, and their clothes ready. The mother’s presence at home can’t be replaced by anything.
Before, I thought someone just had to take care of things and that was it. It was just a chore for me. But I’ve realized that the priorities are different: first, it’s them, the family. And then, with the time that’s left, I can work or do something else, but not excessively or leaving the family aside.
Things also changed with my husband. Now I look at him differently and I respect him more. It’s like discovering a kind of love I didn’t know before. I loved him, but now it’s a healthier love. It’s like being able to relate to your spouse in a less conflicted way. You’re no longer always trying to defend something, and everything is lived with more peace.
There will always be problems, maybe some differences, but when God is at the center of a couple, when God lives in a family’s home, everything is handled in a healthier way, everything feels lighter, and life is more enjoyable.
The most beautiful thing of all is that in God I found a worth I had never felt before. Since I came to know Him, I feel valued—like something truly precious. I’ve come to understand that the creation of woman brings what human nature was missing, what man alone doesn’t have. That’s how I began to appreciate it, and I felt so much better than before.
I truly discovered that God loves women. What He doesn’t love is what the spirits lead us to do against His kingdom, but He loves women, and He loves men too.
I’ve learned to be more modest, to buy less, to spend less, and to value things more—not going without, but also not falling into unnecessary excess. This is something that affects us women in particular, because sometimes the urge to shop can become a vice. And just as work once was for me, it can turn into a way to fill an emotional emptiness.
But no material thing will ever fill you emotionally if God is not in your life. When you find Jesus, He starts filling all your empty places, and the figure of God the Father surrounds you. He heals and mends all your weak points, and all the money in the world, or all the clothes, or all the accessories for women can’t replace that. None of those things are worth even five cents compared to what you feel when you have God.
Something very important is that I’ve learned to love men. I realized that before, I simply rejected them; I didn’t really understand them or relate to their way of being. I started to understand their nature, their reactions, their reasons, and to give them more space to be who they are, without constantly pressuring or demanding.
Before, I would say to my husband, “Why don’t you do this? Why don’t you do that? Do you see how you are?” and I would reproach him in all sorts of ways, most of them unfounded.
I’ve learned that men carry their own burdens and big responsibilities. They have a position of leadership and have to make important decisions. They’re the head of the household, guiding the family and, many times, the workplace too. They’re the main financial support at home and, in many cases, the emotional support as well. Just by being men, they carry all of that.
I’ve also come to understand that it’s not that men don’t want to do the household tasks we do, but generally, it’s not in their nature to focus on that, unless there’s some disorder in their masculinity. Simply put, God didn’t create them for that. It’s usually not on their mind, and they’re not thinking about it.
In His immense wisdom, God made us different. For them, doing things around the house doesn’t come naturally. It’s not that they don’t do it because they’re bad or want to make our lives difficult, it’s just that sometimes they’re simply not as detail-oriented with household tasks as we’d like.
For example, I used to say to my partner, “Why don’t you help me with the housework? Why didn’t you do this? Why did you leave that there?” You know what I mean. But it just doesn’t come naturally to them. We women think about our nest, our home, about keeping it well arranged, while they mostly think about how to provide for the household.
That’s their nature, and they’re not always thinking, “I’m going to fold the clothes and put them away.” I’m not saying they can’t do it, but their minds aren’t focused on that, because God didn’t give them those tools or inspire them in that way. They’re focused on other things, and I didn’t understand that before. Without realizing it, I wanted men to be like women and women to be like men.
Now I feel more balanced, more whole, more at peace, and at the same time stronger, because I no longer have to constantly struggle against the current, trying to be someone I’m not, like I used to. I no longer need to strive to find my worth. I no longer feel like I have to take care of everything, as I once believed.
I’ve also learned to trust my husband more. I’m not perfect and I still have a long way to go, and this is a path with no end, because when we enter God’s ways, He never stops teaching us. But when you seek to obey God every day, things become more possible and you feel better.
Now, the important decisions at home—even though we talk them over and my husband asks for my opinion, like any harmonious couple would—I usually prefer for him to make them. But this took time for me. At first, it was very hard for me to trust him, because I was used to deciding everything and I would think, “If I let him make the decisions, he’ll make mistakes. If I’m not there, everything will go wrong.”
But God showed me that when I trust my husband, everything turns out better, because he’s a man who has God and makes decisions based on His Word, so he doesn’t make mistakes. And now that I’m also not pressuring him all the time to do everything my way, I imagine he also feels freer and more at ease to make decisions.
I’ve also learned to let myself be loved by my husband, when before I always put up a barrier and was constantly on the defensive. I’ve learned to let myself be embraced, to let myself be treated well, to enjoy that support, to let myself be held up by a man and not try to hold everything up myself, as I did before.
As a result, that brought much greater harmony: inner harmony, harmony in my home, and outward harmony in my family relationships, at work, and in every area of life. It’s as if everything falls into place. And the truth I’ve discovered is that we women are most beautiful when we simply are who we are. A creature is truly lovely when it is what it was created to be and doesn’t try to be something it’s not.
I wish the same for all of us, that we could enjoy what God showed me and what I’m enjoying now. For me—and I believe for anyone who knows God and follows Jesus—the greatest motivation to want to be better is love for God.
I love my Father and I love His Son, and the respect I feel for Them is very great. I want Him to see in me that I seek, that I think, that I live, and that I put into practice what He teaches me in His Scriptures or what the Holy Spirit shows me.
I don’t do this for others to see me, but because a need to change is born in me, a seed that God Himself placed in my heart. It’s like a response I give to Him.
I’ve realized that, for the Lord, the woman of Proverbs 31 is a special woman and of great worth, and I want to pursue that. I want to be that woman. I’m convinced that, through obedience to Him, many things can be achieved, because for me, to love Him is to obey Him, and to obey Him is to love Him. That sums up my motivation.
[Proverbs 31:10-31] Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, So that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil All the days of her life. She seeketh wool, and flax, And worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants’ ships; She bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, And giveth meat to her household, And a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: With the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, And strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: Her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, And her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; Yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: For all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; Her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, When he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; And delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; And she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; And in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, And eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, But thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: But a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; And let her own works praise her in the gates.
If you don’t know God and you feel uncomfortable with your appearance or with your role as a woman, if you have problems in your relationships with men, I can assure you that if you seek God with a sincere heart, He can heal your heart and the way you see yourself, and also the way you think others see you. He can heal your relationships and your self-esteem through His Son Jesus. God doesn’t think like we do, and for Him there are no impossibilities like there are for us.
Following Jesus is synonymous with gain. You may lose what harms you, but you gain eternal things, which can’t be compared in value to the superficial things the world offers. You can find wholeness and peace, because in Him everything falls into place, takes the shape it should, and finds its exact place, like the pieces of a perfect and wonderfully made puzzle, like the creation of God.
However, only when each member of a family is in their proper place can you see the beauty of that puzzle. It’s like a machine—when every part is where it belongs and working well, it can function at its full potential. That’s how I feel now.
I assure you that if you pray to God, even if you don’t know Him, He will answer you. You can pray and talk to Him just like you would with a friend when you need help.
Reading the Bible, along with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, can teach you and heal you, just as it did for me. It gives you strength to make the right decisions, change your life, and start again. I recommend starting with the New Testament to learn about the life of Jesus, because He is our example.
I hope this testimony has helped you. I know there are many women going through very difficult times, and it’s hard to move forward, but from my own experience I share with you everything He has changed and keeps changing in me, so that you can have hope and know that He works in us.
All we have to do is say to Jesus, “Yes, I believe in You and I want to follow You,” and open our hearts, minds, and souls to Him, giving Him everything we are, just as we are, so that He may work. And He will take care of healing everything that isn’t right in your life.
Now I will say a closing prayer:
Father, I come to You to thank You for everything You’ve done in me. Thank You for Your guidance and for Your immense wisdom, for giving me peace and teaching me how to live according to Your Word, where at last I can rest. I ask You for my sisters who still don’t enjoy this freedom that You gave me. I ask You to inspire them, to guide them, and to show them the path they should follow so they can be healed as women. I ask You to use this video to reach whoever it needs to reach and bring hope. Thank You, Father, for allowing me to share our relationship with other women. In the name of Jesus, amen.
If you don’t know God, but you want to draw near to Him, I will say a prayer and you can repeat it with me. Relax, do it with faith, and He will take care of the rest. You can do it however you like. To pray, it’s not necessary to position your hands a certain way, close your eyes, or do anything in particular. You can do it however you feel, because in God there is freedom, but always with respect.
Lord, I don’t know You yet, but I want to. I know there are many things wrong in my life, and I’m already tired of this road and of making mistakes. I don’t have the strength, and I can’t find a way out. Now I understand that I can’t go on alone, and in this moment I give You my heart and my life so that, if You want, You may restore them.
Forgive me, Lord, for my mistakes. I invite You into my home, Lord, and also Your Son, Jesus. Help me to understand You. I want to know You. Help me to understand Your creation and Your ways. Heal me, please. Teach me to be a woman, so I can rest in You. Thank You, Lord. In the name of Jesus, amen.