Translation from Spanish
I’m Noelia, and today I want to share my personal experience of how, ever since I found God and began to believe in Jesus, He has been healing every part of me. In this video in particular, I want to tell you how my relationship with being a woman changed.
Before, when I didn’t have God in my life, I honestly hated being a woman. I thought it was unfair, and I felt like being born a woman in this world was a punishment. As ugly as that sounds, that’s how I lived it. I would think, “Why wasn’t I born a man? Why did it have to be me?” because I believed that men’s lives were easier, that their role was much simpler than ours.
I felt worthless, as if I were less than men, and I basically hated them. Clearly, this caused me a lot of problems. The truth is, I was suffering inside, even though outwardly I tried to act as if things were different, because that kind of hatred only makes you suffer and feel cut off from everything.
I wanted to take charge of everything and wouldn’t let anyone—not my dad, not my partners—tell me what to do. I always had to be the one in control, trying to prove my equality, or even my superiority.
Deep down, I was always on the defensive. I wouldn’t even accept advice, even if it was given with the best intentions. Even a suggestion from a man would rub me the wrong way. I felt attacked because I thought I could do everything on my own. It was like, “You don’t get to tell me what I have to do just because you’re a man. Do you think you’re better than me? Do you think I can’t do it on my own and that I’m going to depend on you?”
I was very proud and always needed to prove that I was better than men. That’s why I was so independent. There’s nothing wrong with a woman being independent in life, but in my case it was excessive. Often I felt like I wanted to live alone even while in a relationship, because I felt as if my partner were taking away my personal space or trying to attack me in some way. It wasn’t a normal attitude.
Now I realize that, in trying to find the worth that, deep down, I felt I didn’t have, I neglected my partner and my family for many years. I worked very long hours outside the home, because when you have an emotional void, you unconsciously try to fill it with any activity. Often, it’s work, where you find recognition and feel valued. You try to use that activity to fill all those gaps.
So, when my children were little, I would leave them with a trusted babysitter or with my mom, and I didn’t realize I was missing out on that precious time. I’ve repented of that now, and the good thing about following Jesus is that He forgives you when you acknowledge your mistakes, but there are things you can’t get back.
That’s why I want to share this testimony. If you’re going through something similar, or if you feel the way I once did, I believe it could help you.
I also used to think that women who stayed at home, who cleaned, cooked, ironed, and took care of everything at home, were fools. In reality, I was the one who didn’t value women. It wasn’t that others didn’t value me—it was my own perception of women. I took care of my home, but I was always trying to find someone else to do it for me.
I just wanted to get out of the house, earn money, succeed professionally, and get the recognition I felt I didn’t have. It was completely unbalanced. There’s nothing wrong with a woman working, but she can’t neglect her home and family, which is what matters most.
But I didn’t realize what I was doing. I thought the time I spent at home was enough and that I was doing everything right. I thought of myself as some kind of heroine, which was really nonsense. I was always on the defensive, afraid that someone would tell me I was less than I really was.
But when I came to know God, and especially after receiving the baptism of the Holy Spirit, the Spirit began to show me, step by step, everything that was wrong or out of place in my life and that I needed to change. The first thing He did was show me how arrogant and proud I was. It was as if God put a mirror in front of me and said, “Look, Noelia, this is you. This is how you’re acting now, and this is not what I created for you. I did not create you this way.”
I saw myself in that figurative mirror as the complete opposite of a woman of God, and that was a shock for me. It was the first thing that changed in my life after my conversion. I felt deeply ashamed, not only because, for the first time, I was seeing how I was really behaving, but also at the thought of Jesus seeing me act that way and God seeing how I was dishonoring His work: completely rebellious and bossy in my home.
I wouldn’t let my husband make decisions in peace. I was always criticizing everything and taking charge of everything myself, making decisions that weren’t mine to make and trying to control every area. But God opened my eyes and showed me I was acting completely contrary to the nature He designed for women.
He asked me to be more humble and to take my proper place, to step into the role I had but wasn’t fulfilling, and to do it with humility, with modesty, and with contentment. That was when I realized how foolish it was to want to be something I wasn’t. It hit me very hard. It was like starting over, and I felt ridiculous and out of place.
I realized I wasn’t created for what I was doing. Not only was I causing pain in my family and being absent from them, but I wasn’t glorifying God either. In terms of my role, I wasn’t acting like a true woman, but like a man in a woman’s body.
I realized that by refusing to fulfill the role God gave me, I was a puppet of the devil. In fact, this is the work of the spirit of Jezebel and other unclean spirits: they are always trying to distort God’s work, destroy His creation, throw it into disorder, get us to do exactly the opposite of what God wants us to do, and make us, His creatures, refuse to be what we are.
The devil wants us to rebel just as he did, and only when you find God do you realize that these unclean spirits influence your life, even when it comes to seduction.
I was very seductive. I was always dressed quite flamboyantly, in animal print and provocative clothes, with my makeup caked on. I did whatever was necessary to manipulate others. I didn’t do it on purpose, and I didn’t realize I was letting myself be manipulated by evil.
At that point, I had to learn how to be a woman. New questions started coming up, like: “What did I come into this world for as a woman? How did God create woman? What roles do we have? How do I fulfill those roles?”
The good thing is that God never leaves you alone. The guidance of the Holy Spirit keeps showing you the way. Praying and reading the Bible every day gradually give you answers. You feel supported and upheld, and you know He is with you. He never lets go of your hand, not for a moment.
When you open your heart to God, He takes care of the rest. It isn’t that you have to keep thinking, “Well, what comes next?” Instead, in His immense mercy, He gradually shows you everything.
I’ve learned and understood that women are not less important than men, but we are different. We have different emotions, a different body, and a different role on earth, but in the eyes of God we are equal in dignity and importance. However, many of us don’t know how to value what it means to be a woman.
I didn’t know how to value modesty, humility, or simplicity either. I couldn’t see beauty in what was simple, or in quiet, home-loving women who didn’t seek attention. It was as if I couldn’t understand, accept, or appreciate that feminine side.
God was clearly showing me that something wasn’t right and that I had to do something about it, because the final decision, our free will, belongs to us. So I told myself I wanted to become the kind of woman who would please my Lord, the woman He was asking me to be. And I asked Him to teach me, because I didn’t know how.
It felt like starting over, as if a new person was being born inside me. It was a painful process that takes time, because it really is an inner battle. But with His hand in mine, everything can be accomplished, healed, and made better.
It was as if I had two voices. On one hand, pride would say to me, “But why should you change if you’re fine as you are? Why should you accept advice if you already know everything? If you stop running the house or making all the decisions, what will happen? Everything will fall apart.” These were the thoughts of a manipulative woman who wants to control everything, who needs to be above everyone else, and who lacks humility. That was my case.
But on the other hand, I heard the voice of God, saying to me, “Be at peace, don’t be afraid. I will heal you. Give Me your hand, and we’ll go together.” I held on to Jesus’ hand and started thinking about Him and reading about everything He did in the New Testament.
That was my main weapon, because I saw the striking humility that Jesus showed when He came to earth and humbled Himself so completely. I looked to Him, our example, and thought, “If He, being God, did it and didn’t complain about what the Father gave Him to do on earth, how could I, as a woman, not manage to do it? Ridiculous.”
That’s how I began to change. Many things in me began to be transformed. It wasn’t forced, but it was a choice, because getting better is always a choice.
God can touch you, call you, and show you something, but the final decision is always yours. After that, you have to do your part. It’s not a matter of waiting for God to change us and leaving it at that. We have to make the effort ourselves.
So everything began to change, thanks to God, and I started to take better care of my home. I began to enjoy being at home more, and now I generally prefer being at home to being out. I’m happy because I enjoy doing things around the house. There’s nothing wrong with a woman going out to work, but what I was doing was unbalanced.
I learned to cook better and I try to do things myself, like cleaning and ironing. Now I’m more protective of my home. I don’t really want someone else to come and help me with the chores, at least not right now, because I feel I need to go through this myself and that it’s my responsibility.
I’m not saying it’s wrong to have someone help us, because it depends on the situation each woman is going through, but in my case, now I enjoy all the things I wasn’t able to enjoy before.
I also realized how important it is for children to come home to that special smell that’s only there when their mother is present: the smell of lunch waiting for them, or of the afternoon snack you made for them before sitting down with them. They feel that you put your own hands and time into welcoming them, with the house tidy and clean and their clothes ready. A mother’s presence at home can’t be replaced by anything.
Before, I thought someone just had to take care of those things and that was it. To me, it was just a task to get out of the way. But I’ve realized that the priorities are different: the children and the family come first. And then, with the time that’s left, I can work or do something else, but not excessively and not by pushing the family aside.
Things also changed with my husband. Now I look at him differently and I respect him more. It’s like discovering a kind of love I didn’t know before. I did love him, but now it’s a healthier love, a less contentious way of relating to your spouse. You’re no longer always trying to defend something, and everything is calmer.
There will always be problems, maybe some differences, but when God is at the center of a couple’s relationship, when God dwells in a family’s home, you work through things in a healthier way, everything feels lighter, and life is more enjoyable.
The most beautiful thing of all is that in God I found the worth I had never felt I had before. Since I came to know Him, I feel valued—as if I were something truly precious. I’ve come to understand that the creation of woman adds to human nature everything it was missing, everything that men lack. That’s how I began to appreciate it, and I felt so much better than before.
I truly discovered that God loves women. What He doesn’t love is what the spirits lead us to do against His Kingdom, but He loves women, and He loves men too.
I’ve learned to be more modest, to buy less, to spend less, and to value things more, without lacking what I need, but also without falling into unnecessary excess. This is an issue for us women in particular, because sometimes the urge to shop can become a vice. And just as work once was for me, it can also be a way to fill an emotional void.
But no material thing will ever fill you emotionally if God is not in your life. When you find Jesus, He starts filling every empty place in you, and the presence of God the Father surrounds you. He heals and mends all your weak spots, and that cannot be replaced by all the money in the world, all the clothes, or all the accessories a woman could have. None of it is worth even five cents compared to what you feel when you have God.
One very important thing is that I’ve learned to love men. I realized that before, I simply rejected them; I didn’t really understand them or relate to their way of being. I started to understand their nature, their reactions, their reasons, and to give them more space to be who they are, without constantly pressuring them or making demands.
Before, I would say to my husband, “Why don’t you do this? Why don’t you do that? Do you see what you’re like?” and I would criticize him over all sorts of things, most of them unfounded.
I’ve learned that men carry their own burden and great responsibilities. They are in a position of authority and have to make important decisions. They’re the head of the household; they lead the family and often also lead at work. They’re the main financial support for the home and, in many cases, the emotional support as well. Simply by being men, they carry all of that.
I’ve also come to understand that it’s not that men don’t want to do the household tasks we women do; in general, it’s not in their nature to focus on that, unless there’s some disorder in their masculinity. God simply didn’t create them for that. It usually isn’t what’s on their mind or what they focus on.
In His immense wisdom, God made us different. For them, doing things around the house doesn’t come naturally. It’s not that they don’t do it because they’re bad or want to make our lives difficult; sometimes they’re simply not as detail-oriented with household tasks as we would like.
For example, I used to say to my partner, “Why don’t you help me with things around the house? Why didn’t you do this? Why did you leave that there?” You know what I mean. But for them, it simply doesn’t come naturally. We women think about our nest, our home, about keeping it neat and cared for, while they mostly think about how to provide for the household.
That’s their nature, and they’re not always thinking, “I’m going to fold the clothes and put them away.” I’m not saying they can’t do it, but their minds aren’t focused on that, because God didn’t give them those tools or inspire them in that direction. They’re focused on other things, and I didn’t understand that before. Without realizing it, I wanted men to be like women and women to be like men.
Now I feel more balanced, more fulfilled, more relaxed, and at the same time stronger, because I no longer have to constantly struggle against the current, trying to be someone I’m not, as I did before. I no longer need to strive to find my worth. I no longer feel like I have to take care of everything, as I once believed.
I’ve also learned to trust my husband more. I’m not perfect and I still have a long way to go, and this is a path that never ends, because when we begin walking in God’s ways, He never stops teaching us. But when you seek to obey God every day, everything starts to feel more possible and you feel better.
Now, even though my husband and I talk through important household decisions and he asks for my opinion, as a harmonious couple would, I usually prefer to let him make them. This took time for me. At first, it was very hard for me to trust him, because I was used to deciding everything and I would think, “If I let him make the decisions, he’ll make mistakes. If I’m not there, everything will go wrong.”
But God showed me that when I trust my husband, everything turns out better, because he has God in his life and bases his decisions on His Word, so he doesn’t get it wrong. And since I’m no longer pressuring him all the time to do everything my way, I imagine he also feels freer and more at ease making decisions.
I’ve also learned to let myself be loved by my husband, whereas before I always put up a barrier and was constantly on the defensive. I’ve learned to let myself be embraced, to let myself be treated well, to enjoy that sense of support, to let a man support me, and not to try to support everything myself, as I did before.
As a result, that brought much greater harmony: harmony within my home and also in my family and work relationships, and in every area. It’s as if everything falls into place. And the truth I’ve discovered is that we women are so beautiful when we simply are what we are. A created being is so beautiful when it is what it was created to be and doesn’t want to be something it isn’t.
I wish all of us could experience the same thing, that we could enjoy what God showed me and what I’m enjoying now. For me—and I believe for anyone who knows God and follows Jesus—the greatest motivation for wanting to be better is love for God.
I love my Father and I love His Son, and I have great respect for Them. I want Him to see in me that I seek Him, that I think about what He teaches me in His Scriptures or what the Holy Spirit keeps revealing to me, and that I live it out and put it into practice.
I don’t do this to be seen by others, but because a need to change has taken root in me, a seed that God Himself planted in my heart. It’s like my response to Him.
I’ve realized that, for the Lord, the woman of Proverbs 31 is a special woman, held in high esteem, and I want to pursue that. I want to be that woman. I’m convinced that, through obedience to Him, many things can be achieved, because for me, to love Him is to obey Him, and to obey Him is to love Him. That sums up my motivation.
[Proverbs 31:10-31] Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, So that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil All the days of her life. She seeketh wool, and flax, And worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants’ ships; She bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, And giveth meat to her household, And a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: With the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, And strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: Her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, And her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; Yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: For all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; Her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, When he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; And delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; And she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; And in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, And eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, But thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: But a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; And let her own works praise her in the gates.
If you don’t know God and you feel uncomfortable with your body or with your role as a woman, if you have problems in your personal relationships with men, I can assure you that if you seek God with a sincere heart, He can heal your heart and the way you see yourself, and also the way you think others see you. He can heal your relationships and your self-esteem through His Son Jesus. God doesn’t think the way we do, and what is impossible for us is not impossible for Him.
Following Jesus means gain. You may lose what harms you, but you gain eternal things that can’t be compared in value to the superficial things the world offers. You can find fullness and peace, because in Him everything falls into place, takes its proper shape, and occupies its exact place, like the pieces of a perfect and wonderfully made puzzle, like God’s creation.
Only when each piece in a family is in its place can you appreciate the beauty of that puzzle. It’s like a machine: when every part is where it belongs and working well, it can operate at its full potential. That’s how I feel now.
I assure you that if you pray to God, even if you don’t know Him, He will answer you. You can pray and talk to Him just like you would with a friend when you need help.
Reading the Bible, along with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, can gradually teach and heal you, just as it did for me. It gives you strength to make the right decisions, change your life, and start again. I recommend reading the New Testament first to learn about the life of Jesus, because He is our example.
I hope this testimony has helped you. I know there are many women going through very difficult times, and it’s hard to move forward, but from my own experience, I’m sharing with you everything He has gradually changed and continues to change in me, so that you can have hope and know that He is at work in us.
All we have to do is say to Jesus, “Yes, I believe in You and I want to follow You,” and open our hearts, minds, and souls to Him, giving Him everything we are, just as we are, so He can work. And He will take care of healing everything that isn’t working in your life.
Now I will say a closing prayer:
Father, I come to You to thank You for everything You’ve done in me. Thank You for Your guidance and for Your immense wisdom, for giving me peace and teaching me how to live according to Your Word, where at last I can rest.
I pray for my sisters who are not yet enjoying this freedom You gave me. I ask You to inspire them, guide them, and show them the path they should follow so they can heal as women. I ask You to use this video so it reaches whoever it is meant to reach and gives them hope. Thank You, Father, for allowing me to tell other women about the relationship we have. In the name of Jesus, amen.
If you don’t know God but would like to draw near to Him, I’ll say a prayer, and you can repeat it after me. Relax, do it with faith, and He will take care of the rest. You can do it however you like. When you pray, you don’t need to position your hands in a special way, close your eyes, or do anything in particular. You can do it however feels right to you, because in God there is freedom, but always with respect.
Lord, I don’t know You yet, but I’d like to. I acknowledge that many things are wrong in my life, and I’ve grown tired of the road I’ve been on and of making mistakes. My strength is gone, and I can’t find a way out. Now I understand that I can’t go on alone, and right now I give You my heart and my life for You to restore them, if You are willing.
Forgive me, Lord, for my mistakes. Lord, I invite You into my home, and I also invite Your Son, Jesus. Help me to understand You. I want to know You. Help me to understand Your creation and Your ways. Heal me, please. Teach me to be a woman, so I can rest in You.
Thank You, Lord. In the name of Jesus, amen.